Coastal Redneck
120cc
Caught some more sleep, but now I'm awake at zero-dark-f#%g-thirty, so I'm having a cold beer to relax. That often helps, to drink a beer and go back to the ol' rack... sometimes I simply grab a snack with a tall glass of milk. A few posts back, I mentioned tearin' sh!t up in a big truck, and now I'm reminded of a humorous incident which occurred one day in my OTR career. I was in a fast truck, and I wound up running with a few other hands in equally fast trucks... we formed our own mini-convoy, runnin' down the road and chatting over the CB as hands do to pass the time. One driver introduced himself over the CB as "Godzilla"---not the strangest handle I had ever heard, but odd enough to prompt another hand to ask, "Why do they call you Godzilla?" The driver's reply: "OH, I'M ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE OF THINGS, TEARIN' SH!T UP..." I thought that was pretty funny, LOL. Sometimes I miss the old days, when there was still a certain camaraderie among truck drivers, something you don't really see nowadays... :rip:
You'd hear the funniest lines over the CB, not only on the road but in those huge truck stops (now called "travel plazas" to include the RV and auto crowd). Especially on Friday and Saturday nights, with hundreds of drivers filling those parking lots and getting hammered to relax and unwind. A regular CB Babylon, with every fool keying up at once, and the most powerful "chicken radios" walking all over EVERYONE, including the goddam lot lizards (truck stop hookers, who often had better radios than the average OTR hand). One old codger who had clearly been driving since dinosaurs roamed the earth, he keyed his mike and asked, "Can anyone tell me if this hyar radio is workin'?" Dude had a ballistic chicken radio too, we were in OKC and ya could've heard the guy in Bangor, Maine. Well, that old codger kept his mike keyed for awhile so NOBODY else could talk, LOL, then he said, "Waal, I guess it ain't workin'..." Funniest thing I heard that night, as soon as the codger let up on his mike key, there was a torrent of cursing and invective. Dude had silenced EVERYBODY, LOL. :13:
No small amount of radios there on the West Side of OKC on a Friday or Saturday night, with half a dozen truck stops and all those outlying trucking yards within radio range. I used to deliberately shut down at the Flyin' Hook whenever I passed through OKC, which was fairly often on my regular run from CA to western PA. In those days "The Hook" was the Wild, Wild West, and the "nightly radio comedy program" was hard to beat in terms of entertainment. No sh!t, you had a regular CB Babylon there with hundreds of @$$holes all tryin' to holler at once: CB Rambos lookin' to kick @$$, lot lizards plying their trade, dope peddlers slinging their wares ("Who wants the white? Who wants the green? Take it to 25!"), service vendors of every stripe competing for customers (truck washes, tire shops, chrome shops, wheel & tank polishers, you name it), just one ginormous radio clusterf#% which my friends and I referred to as "CIRCUS MAXIMUS." I'm not jokin' either, the whole scene was brutal, yet it was supremely entertaining for drivers, a full-on SEPARATE REALITY like no other on the planet... well, maybe West Memphis, which was also a crazy place. :43:
When I drove OTR, I kept a thermoelectric cooler in my truck, and that cooler was stocked with good food, mostly gourmet sandwich material with all the fresh veggies as trimmings, fresh fruit for cereal toppings, PBJ action, plus the requisite milk, chocolate milk, sodas, juice, etc, to wash it all down. I also kept dry goods like bread, cereal, canned food, beef jerky, candy bars, etc., in my sleeper or in some of those compartments in my cab, especially in the winter when you never knew when ya might be stranded or shut down on some iced-up interstate, waiting for the "salt shakers" (plows) to do their jobs, or waiting for some heller fatality wreck to be cleared. It was always a wise policy to have enough food, clothing, blankets, fartsacks, and whatnot in your truck, so you were ready for anything that might occur. I even had all my camp gear aboard the truck: tent, sleeping pad or air mattress, propane camp stove, all the crap I usually used whenever I had time off and went "truck camping" in my 10-ton RV (road tractor). :30:
Having those supplies aboard the truck also allowed a driver to save money, 10-4? Some of those truck stops had good cooks and kitchen crews who could turn out some delicious meals, no lie, but eating in restaurants all the time tends to get expensive, so like many other drivers I stocked my cooler at the outset of every trip, that way I only had to pay for one restaurant meal per day. Well, one night, as I sat in my truck listening to the hilarious nightly radio comedy program in OKC, I decided to make a big ol' gourmet sandwich with all the trimmings: this would save me the trouble of walking into the building. Already had beer, you understand, I'd routinely buy that right after fueling and getting parked for the night. I was halfway through my sandwich, the CB Babylon in full swing, when some old bone keyed his mike and hollered: "ANY FEMALE DRIVERS OUT THERE GOT A YEAST INFECTION?!? I GOT A HANKERIN' FOR SOME COTTAGE CHEESE!!!" Practically choked on my sammy when I heard that guy, LOL, had to grab my mike and holler back: "DAMMIT, BOY, GO EASY, I'M TRYIN' TO EAT A SANDWICH HERE!!!" :27:
Then there was the classic moment when I heard some obviously-black crackerhead hollerin' about some sort of food item available for purchase... maybe I forgot to mention that aspect of CB Babylon, you also had nearby restaurants, BBQ joints, roach coaches, etc., slinging their goods over the radio, right? So here's this black crackerhead (and this might have been in West Memphis, I can't remember the specific location), just repeatedly A-HOLLERIN' as loud as he could over the CB, squawking something like: "C'MON, DRIVERS, GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT!!! WE GOT 'EM ON THE GRILL, WE GOT 'EM IN THE GROUND!!! C'MON DOWN AND GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT!!!" Over and over, ad infinitum and ad nauseum, with many drivers wondering exactly WTF this crackerhead was slinging, AYE? One hand finally took the bait and asked exactly what the crackerhead had for sale, and the crackerhead replied: "BARBECUED WATERMELON!!!" :21: Damn, you heard some funny sh!t over the CB back in the day, I surely miss those hilarious moments. Never hear the like again, I reckon, with all these NAFTA rigs and whatnot on the road.
Guess I got time for one more classic moment... I was trashin' around the West Side Hook in OKC one night when some older hand got into it with a lot lizard, I can't remember exactly what the driver (who sounded older than Methuselah) said to this gal, but it set her off, alright, just like a powder keg. Gal got all pissed off and started to curse the old hand, then some long-lost childhood training kicked in, something to do with having respect for one's elders, right? So the gal spluttered a bit, then hollered, "OH, SHUT UP, YOU OLD @$$HOLE!!!" That old hand never skipped a beat as he replied, "WELL, I THANK YA, THAT'S THE NICEST THING ANYONE HAS SAID TO ME ALL DAY!!!" LOL, I was rollin' on the floor of my cab with that one, funnier than sh!t when ya actually heard it all transpire. Yeah, all those wholly-uncensored moments and lines over the CB were something else, ironically there was a real sense of FREEDOM in those days, the freedom to speak your mind whenever you felt like it, 10-4? It wasn't all bad either, drivers (myself included) would routinely compliment good-looking rigs as they rolled off the fuel island, bedecked with chrome and chicken lights. Bad@$$ rigs with custom sleepers, just friggin' insane... :77:
Ah, well, I guess that's enough reminiscing for one night, time for this kid to head back to ye olde rack for some more shuteye, I have to box up more stuff later today, my friend's visit put the kibosh on boxing crap yesterday, LOL. WTF, friends are good for that, and I wouldn't have it any other way... pretty soon, I won't be around here anymore, and I may never see these last tried & true friends again, one never knows about these things. All I know is that I can't afford to stay in CA, to eventually go broke just like this f/u state itself. Time for this kid to relocate & retrench in a better place, with Joel Skousen's guidance helping to increase long-term safety and security. I mean, WHY NOT align my choices with the excellent material he wrote in his STRATEGIC RELOCATION book? In the long run, it might make no real difference, but then again, it may give me a little more time to blow the last of my cash in all-out freakin' party extravaganza, LOL. We shall see what happens... I may die before all that Mad Max dystopian future bullsh!t goes down. In the meantime, y'all be good to one another, life is easier that way, LOL. :75:
P.S. When I die in the upcoming nuclear war predicted by Joel Skousen, I sincerely hope I'm riding my monkeybike... and I at least get enough time to attempt the quad backflip number on my FrankenBike before the blast wave hits me, LOL. If it's merely a fallout situation, I'll go for the triple backflip first, kinda like a practice measure. I'm off to ye olde rack, but not without proclaiming:
"MONKEYBIKING FOREVER, BOYZ!!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!"
You'd hear the funniest lines over the CB, not only on the road but in those huge truck stops (now called "travel plazas" to include the RV and auto crowd). Especially on Friday and Saturday nights, with hundreds of drivers filling those parking lots and getting hammered to relax and unwind. A regular CB Babylon, with every fool keying up at once, and the most powerful "chicken radios" walking all over EVERYONE, including the goddam lot lizards (truck stop hookers, who often had better radios than the average OTR hand). One old codger who had clearly been driving since dinosaurs roamed the earth, he keyed his mike and asked, "Can anyone tell me if this hyar radio is workin'?" Dude had a ballistic chicken radio too, we were in OKC and ya could've heard the guy in Bangor, Maine. Well, that old codger kept his mike keyed for awhile so NOBODY else could talk, LOL, then he said, "Waal, I guess it ain't workin'..." Funniest thing I heard that night, as soon as the codger let up on his mike key, there was a torrent of cursing and invective. Dude had silenced EVERYBODY, LOL. :13:
No small amount of radios there on the West Side of OKC on a Friday or Saturday night, with half a dozen truck stops and all those outlying trucking yards within radio range. I used to deliberately shut down at the Flyin' Hook whenever I passed through OKC, which was fairly often on my regular run from CA to western PA. In those days "The Hook" was the Wild, Wild West, and the "nightly radio comedy program" was hard to beat in terms of entertainment. No sh!t, you had a regular CB Babylon there with hundreds of @$$holes all tryin' to holler at once: CB Rambos lookin' to kick @$$, lot lizards plying their trade, dope peddlers slinging their wares ("Who wants the white? Who wants the green? Take it to 25!"), service vendors of every stripe competing for customers (truck washes, tire shops, chrome shops, wheel & tank polishers, you name it), just one ginormous radio clusterf#% which my friends and I referred to as "CIRCUS MAXIMUS." I'm not jokin' either, the whole scene was brutal, yet it was supremely entertaining for drivers, a full-on SEPARATE REALITY like no other on the planet... well, maybe West Memphis, which was also a crazy place. :43:
When I drove OTR, I kept a thermoelectric cooler in my truck, and that cooler was stocked with good food, mostly gourmet sandwich material with all the fresh veggies as trimmings, fresh fruit for cereal toppings, PBJ action, plus the requisite milk, chocolate milk, sodas, juice, etc, to wash it all down. I also kept dry goods like bread, cereal, canned food, beef jerky, candy bars, etc., in my sleeper or in some of those compartments in my cab, especially in the winter when you never knew when ya might be stranded or shut down on some iced-up interstate, waiting for the "salt shakers" (plows) to do their jobs, or waiting for some heller fatality wreck to be cleared. It was always a wise policy to have enough food, clothing, blankets, fartsacks, and whatnot in your truck, so you were ready for anything that might occur. I even had all my camp gear aboard the truck: tent, sleeping pad or air mattress, propane camp stove, all the crap I usually used whenever I had time off and went "truck camping" in my 10-ton RV (road tractor). :30:
Having those supplies aboard the truck also allowed a driver to save money, 10-4? Some of those truck stops had good cooks and kitchen crews who could turn out some delicious meals, no lie, but eating in restaurants all the time tends to get expensive, so like many other drivers I stocked my cooler at the outset of every trip, that way I only had to pay for one restaurant meal per day. Well, one night, as I sat in my truck listening to the hilarious nightly radio comedy program in OKC, I decided to make a big ol' gourmet sandwich with all the trimmings: this would save me the trouble of walking into the building. Already had beer, you understand, I'd routinely buy that right after fueling and getting parked for the night. I was halfway through my sandwich, the CB Babylon in full swing, when some old bone keyed his mike and hollered: "ANY FEMALE DRIVERS OUT THERE GOT A YEAST INFECTION?!? I GOT A HANKERIN' FOR SOME COTTAGE CHEESE!!!" Practically choked on my sammy when I heard that guy, LOL, had to grab my mike and holler back: "DAMMIT, BOY, GO EASY, I'M TRYIN' TO EAT A SANDWICH HERE!!!" :27:
Then there was the classic moment when I heard some obviously-black crackerhead hollerin' about some sort of food item available for purchase... maybe I forgot to mention that aspect of CB Babylon, you also had nearby restaurants, BBQ joints, roach coaches, etc., slinging their goods over the radio, right? So here's this black crackerhead (and this might have been in West Memphis, I can't remember the specific location), just repeatedly A-HOLLERIN' as loud as he could over the CB, squawking something like: "C'MON, DRIVERS, GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT!!! WE GOT 'EM ON THE GRILL, WE GOT 'EM IN THE GROUND!!! C'MON DOWN AND GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE HOT!!!" Over and over, ad infinitum and ad nauseum, with many drivers wondering exactly WTF this crackerhead was slinging, AYE? One hand finally took the bait and asked exactly what the crackerhead had for sale, and the crackerhead replied: "BARBECUED WATERMELON!!!" :21: Damn, you heard some funny sh!t over the CB back in the day, I surely miss those hilarious moments. Never hear the like again, I reckon, with all these NAFTA rigs and whatnot on the road.
Guess I got time for one more classic moment... I was trashin' around the West Side Hook in OKC one night when some older hand got into it with a lot lizard, I can't remember exactly what the driver (who sounded older than Methuselah) said to this gal, but it set her off, alright, just like a powder keg. Gal got all pissed off and started to curse the old hand, then some long-lost childhood training kicked in, something to do with having respect for one's elders, right? So the gal spluttered a bit, then hollered, "OH, SHUT UP, YOU OLD @$$HOLE!!!" That old hand never skipped a beat as he replied, "WELL, I THANK YA, THAT'S THE NICEST THING ANYONE HAS SAID TO ME ALL DAY!!!" LOL, I was rollin' on the floor of my cab with that one, funnier than sh!t when ya actually heard it all transpire. Yeah, all those wholly-uncensored moments and lines over the CB were something else, ironically there was a real sense of FREEDOM in those days, the freedom to speak your mind whenever you felt like it, 10-4? It wasn't all bad either, drivers (myself included) would routinely compliment good-looking rigs as they rolled off the fuel island, bedecked with chrome and chicken lights. Bad@$$ rigs with custom sleepers, just friggin' insane... :77:
Ah, well, I guess that's enough reminiscing for one night, time for this kid to head back to ye olde rack for some more shuteye, I have to box up more stuff later today, my friend's visit put the kibosh on boxing crap yesterday, LOL. WTF, friends are good for that, and I wouldn't have it any other way... pretty soon, I won't be around here anymore, and I may never see these last tried & true friends again, one never knows about these things. All I know is that I can't afford to stay in CA, to eventually go broke just like this f/u state itself. Time for this kid to relocate & retrench in a better place, with Joel Skousen's guidance helping to increase long-term safety and security. I mean, WHY NOT align my choices with the excellent material he wrote in his STRATEGIC RELOCATION book? In the long run, it might make no real difference, but then again, it may give me a little more time to blow the last of my cash in all-out freakin' party extravaganza, LOL. We shall see what happens... I may die before all that Mad Max dystopian future bullsh!t goes down. In the meantime, y'all be good to one another, life is easier that way, LOL. :75:
P.S. When I die in the upcoming nuclear war predicted by Joel Skousen, I sincerely hope I'm riding my monkeybike... and I at least get enough time to attempt the quad backflip number on my FrankenBike before the blast wave hits me, LOL. If it's merely a fallout situation, I'll go for the triple backflip first, kinda like a practice measure. I'm off to ye olde rack, but not without proclaiming:
"MONKEYBIKING FOREVER, BOYZ!!! WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!"
